Kingdom Hearts Parodies
by heartless134301
Summary: This is a small collection of parodies that I'm putting together. I'm also adding sometning that doesn't deal with KH.
1. Ansem's Back

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Ansem's Back (Parody to Eminem's Without Me)

!!!WARNING!!! If you, the reader, are and/or have homophobia, this is one parody that you do not want to read. There is some yaoi between Ansem and Sephiroth and a little Riku. Heed this warning because it's the only one that you will get. You have been warned so don't sue me for the gayness in it. And sorry if it doesn't match up perfectly. ^.^;;

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy VII characters. Phooey! :-(

"Sephiroth and I are lovers..."

Refrain 1

You have better run because I've gone gay/ I've gone gay/ I've gone gay/ I've gone gay (Repeat Refrain 1)

Refrain 2

Ansem's back, back from the dead/ So guess what / **ck you all/ I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna kill/ I'm gonna kill...

Verse 1

I've created some monsters, cuz nobody wants to see a Heartless no more they have total fear of them

well if you see a Heartless, this is what they look like

little black bodies with bulging yellow eyes

prancing around terrorizing everybody

hope you don't run into one because they just might just take your heart and make you a heartless too

but have no fear I'll take good care of you I only ask of one thing and that's to kill Sora

hey here comes Sephiroth with his Masamune

waving it around like a freaky freak

but guess what he's my little sex kitten for ever

you can never change that you know we'll be lovers for eternity you can bet

don't start your trash on me and my gayness I'm getting sick with all this talk about me

and against the other gay people loving each other

I just settled on an idea screw the straights

Chorus (x2)

So this looks like a job for me so all the gays just follow me

cuz we need a little total gayness in this little country of ours

Verse 2

**cking straight people they are against us gays

but the gays just wish that you'll just leave us alone

Sephiroth could care less about being gay because he's my lover and loves me with his heart

Sephiroth would do anything for me even taking care of the Keyblader Sora and his little posse

of the damn dog and physco duck claiming to be working for King Mickey

hey here comes someone new it's Riku the kid who wants power and to escape his little Destiny Islands

Well guess what? (Hollow Bastion sound) he gave into the darkness and let me possess him

when that was done he came out with the yami Keyblade

When he went to kick Sora's ass he out defeated

So I took him to my room to "heal" him up

But Sephiroth found out and became infuriated with me

so he sent Riku away to his "home"

And we became lovers yet again

Chorus (x2)

Verse 3

You gotta love the heartless with their weird ways of walking and talking looking for some fresh new hearts

or of those with darkness in them too

but don't blame me if you are turned into one as well

I'm just a power hungry gay man who wants some love from my lover man

Living in Bastion with the heartless and the princesses of the **cking pure hearts

Why does Maleficent need them? Don't tell me she's gay like me fingering them all night long

Little Sora and Co. came in to foil her plan of revealing the Door

When he did, she threw a hissy fit and made it Hell-on-Bastion and started ranting

About how it was the heartless's fault for her downfall but guess what b*tch?

Don't blame them it's not their fault you just weren't able to control them

If you want me to, I can get rid of them

But it won't be cheap. I'm just asking for 10,000,000 munny for my strip bar

If you can't pay like that, I'll take your heart (Ha!) 

Won't pay that way bi-atch?

I guess I'll leave you be to become devoured

Sephiroth and I are gonna do some "down time" so don't interrupt us

Chorus (x2)

(Hum dei dei la la Hum dei dei la la...la la la) x2

"Gays"

Hope you enjoyed this parody of mine. Look out for more of my work in the near future.

See ya later! ^. ^


	2. Author's Note

Author's Note

Hello y'all! (I know I sound like a redneck but who cares?) Anyways, I'm thinking about adding another parody to this and the song will be by Eminem. But I'm having some difficulty with some other ideas. So do me a favor and give me some suggestions (and make the songs in English). I'm also changing the story title to something else but my 1st parody "Ansem's Back" will remain unchanged. I also want to thank Tuxedo Mask for giving me my 1st review. Ok, enough rambling and let's continue with the good stuff!

-heartless134301

P.S. I'm also going to a little something else that doesn't deal with Kingdom Hearts.


	3. heartless134301's List of Things I Learn...

heartless134301's List of Things I Learned from Anime

This is just something I came up with while in the car ride home from vacation. If you have any ideas that you would like on here, just e-mail me at: heartless134301@netscape.net. Ok, on with the list!

Never under estimate the person in sunglasses.

Guys look good with long hair.

Don't judge the small, shrimpy girl. She will kick your ass.

Women can have huge boobs.

Any form of DDR ( Dance Dance Revolution) is fun!

Wearing scanty clothes doesn't make you a slut.

Anger can be more powerful than muscles.

Rap music sucks! (but you can get good parodies from it)

Guys look feminine, women look...feminine.

Having white hair doesn't always mean you're over the hill. (50+)

Yaoi is good, Yuri is good.

If you hit a hentai, it only arouses the more.

Being half-human isn't always.

No matter how much damage a huge mecha causes, the city will look as good as new the next day.

Never call your dad "chi-chi." It also means boobs.

It is possible to smash a huge rock within 2 quick hits.

Having a 3rd eye has many uses.

Food can come in large quantities.

Your heart can be any color of the rainbow. And I do mean black, red, orange, etc....

Glomping can be fun, but very painful.

If you kick a guy "downstairs", your foot won't make contact till it's half way up their ass.

It's okay to act weird. It's actually quite normal.

Don't be afraid to cross dress. A lot of people do anyways.

Being a physic isn't always good.

If a girl wears a skirt, a guy or the wind will lift it and that allows everyone in the area to see her panties.

Don't listen to the dude in a cloak. It will lead you to disaster.

(Same thing applies to accepting an item.)

It's ok to have an affair with your teacher. Age doesn't matter.

Chibis rock!

Don't tease a little kid. He will come back and haunt you.

Having a fast motorcycle is always the best mode of transportation.

If you see a black cat, there's the possibility that it will follow you wherever you go.

Don't piss off the guy with a huge cross. You won't live to tell the tale.

Having an Angel Arm or 2 can be very helpful.

Dangerous toys can be fun, but they can hurt.

Don't trust the guy whose hair resembles a broom. You life will become a living hell.

Never come between people and their pudding.

Doughnuts are good.

Having big feet is actually kinda cool.

Being a transvestite is disturbing but somewhat cool.

Smoking is a very common thing.

Not all pirates are bad.

Never trust a teddy bear. It may be a bomb or it can be possessed and is trying to kill you.

Never mess with the villain who is wearing white.

It is possible to kill an enemy with a huge key.

Never come between a Junin level ninja and his hentai books.

Never come between an arrogant ninja and his ramen.

Never trust puddles.

Never eat school food because it will turn into a mindless learning zombie that watches Titanic 52 times in a row.

The person with white hair is either evil, has special powers, is special in some way, or they aren't human.

Hot dogs and other sugary foods are a villain's favorite food.

If you hear gothic-like music, you know you're in deep shit.

When you hear "Darkness beyond twilight and crimson from blood that flows..." it's your cue to start running.

Cryogenically frozen women are nothing but trouble.

If you can't see a person's eyes and they 1: Smirk or 2: Open them, run like there is no fucking tomorrow.

In space you can hear everything.

Your gender doesn't have to be know within the first few episodes. It's fun to keep the 

vieweres guessing.

Beware of small children. Some have the power to destroy the whole universe.

It's ok to fall in love with robots. Hell, maybe they'll love you back! If that is 

possible... probably is...

If there is a villain team with a short guy and a tall one, be afraid of the short one. 

Most of the time... the short one has a lot of more power than the tall one.

It is possible to have gravity-defying hair.

Small cute animals can have VERY sharp teeth.

(These were submitted by Louie the Flying Shark)

Don't leave things in the fridge.

Lesson lesson, if you see a stranger, follow him.

Never underestimate the nerds, they could be packing high-power explosives.

As a priest, it's okay to smoke/kill/hurt others

Humans can never be trusted.

(These were submitted by Pai)


	4. Author's Note and Apology

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Author's Note and Apology

I am so sorry but my current piece of work is taking a while because I got a new PS2 game the other day and it's addicting. I'll try and finish up by tomorrow so that you guys won't get too mad at me even more. Like I said, I'm so so so so sorry that I haven't updated this story. I've also been working on some of my other stories as well, so look out for them.

-heartless134301


	5. The Real Gay Ansem

The Real Gay Ansem

A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a long time, but I've been having some difficulty coming up with this story. Also, a **lot **the lines in here are from the actual song. I needed them to help with the song. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. -. - Oh well, I guess you can't have everything in life. 

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real gay Ansem please stand up?

I repeat, will the real gay Ansem please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here.

[Ansem]

Y'all act like you've never seen a gay person before

Jaws all on the floor, trying to get away from me real quick

Panicking that I might infect you with gayness

And anything else I might be carrying (Oh no!)

But please don't fear me peeps… " Ah, did he just say he's gay?

And what about the dude with the white hair right there?"

I just hope… that that's not Sephiroth man.

That guy just freaks me out all the way (oh shit!)

Waving that damn sword of his around {* vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*}

"Sephiroth, I'm sick of him

Going to poke an eye out waving that sword around

He thinks he's so cool because he's Ansem's!"

Yeah, I just wish that his huge ego were destroyed with his sword

But no, Ansem won't drop him for that new young kid Riku

But you really can't say he's young because he's fifteen years old

At least we know that's he's still a virgin (I hope!)

"Hey guess what?! I lost my innocence to Sora,

Back before the darkness took over my little island.

That really irked Kairi for she was in love with Sora."

Now that's enough of Riku's rambling, let's get back to the star of this song,

The one and only Ansem, and nobody else

"We ain't nothing but gay men…" Well, some of us are stupid straights

Who hate other people who are not stinking straight

But if we can be disrespectful and hate-filled

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

{*EWW! *} But if you feel like I feel, I'll let you join the gays

Now I've taken care of that little problem, so sing out

Chorus: Ansem (repeat x2)

I'm gay Ansem; yes I'm the real Ansem

All you other gay Ansem's are just imitating

So won't the real gay Ansem please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? 

Ending A/N: This is all I could come up with for now. I'll post the rest when I get it. ^.^; I just wanted this posted so you guys wouldn't kill me or anything. Hope you enjoyed it!


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